He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize