am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
