I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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