fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
