never play flip cup with pint glasses
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
only if we run a train.
done.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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