pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
