Buhtt sex?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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