I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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