I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
