All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
