She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
