There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
