I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
