friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
