I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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