now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
