Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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