if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
