So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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