chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do vagina's smell?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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