I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
As shirtless as possible
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He better not be in your backpack
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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