I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
