I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
