I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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