I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
