Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
