my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
