I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
