My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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