I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
