the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize