So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
