Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
