I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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