I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize