my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
