Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
love makes seman taste better
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Randomize
