this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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