This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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