Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize