If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
