Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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