I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ugly people sure do ruin things
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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