I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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