You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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