Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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