I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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