Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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