if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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