I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I puked a lego.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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