The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
