I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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