I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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