Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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