My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
