Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize