Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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