Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
