theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
