We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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