Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
