the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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