I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
