i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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