I can text with my tongue
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
