READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
